Sunday, November 10, 2013

Help! My Ovaries Are Killing Me!



For the first six months that I had my period, it was a breeze. Sure, dealing with maxi pads and tampons was a bit awkward, but I was young and eager to become a woman. I was so excited that I finally had my period!

And then something changed. My period stopped being something to look forward to, and started becoming the time of the month that I dreaded the most. The magic was gone and my period became my worst enemy.

At 13 years old, I found myself curled up in a ball on the floor of my dad’s studio apartment, my stomach hurting so intensely, I was fairly certain I was dying. My dad and I were trying to watch a couple of movies we’d rented, our weekend tradition, but I was in so much pain, I couldn’t focus on them at all. I kept running to the bathroom hoping I could just push the pain out, but to no avail.

At one critical moment when I was writhing on the floor in the clutches of a particular difficult spasm, my dad astutely (and delicately) asked, “Do you have your period?” I nodded at him, wondering what that had to do with it. “You’re having menstrual cramps,” he explained.

We quickly got in the car and drove to Wegmans where my dad won the Father of the Year award for buying me Midol, salt and vinegar chips, and Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. Since that time, my dad became my hero and my uterus became my arch nemesis.

As I got older, my periods only strengthened their painful assault, and soon, my uterus convinced my ovaries to join in the fun. Why wait for menstruation to begin when you can cause cramping during ovulation, too?! And so, I learned what the German word mittelschmerz meant. Literally translated as “middle pain,” it’s the term used to refer to abdominal pain caused by mild cramping during ovulation.


As I approached my 30s, the pain during ovulation intensified so much so that I found myself in the doctor’s office getting an endoscopic ultrasound on a regular basis. The reason: large ovarian cysts. Many women have these without any pain or issues at all, but not me. Anytime my female parts have the opportunity to kick my ass (or more appropriately, my abdomen), they immediately oblige. And of course, all of these complications bring with them the persistent question: Can I even get pregnant? Are these all just signs of infertility? Unfortunately, there’s no clear cut answer to this until you’ve tried for awhile.

The good news is that my ovarian cysts seem to regularly dissolve on their own, so no surgery has been necessary. The bad news? Aside from birth control, which can help prevent the cysts from developing, there’s not much else that can be done. And birth control isn’t really an option when you’re trying to get pregnant.

As an alternative, I’ve been getting acupuncture treatments for the past month or so as many family members and friends have spoken of their success with it. Singapore is a great place to start trying acupuncture as it is affordable (generally $30 SGD for a 30 minutes session) and there is a plethora of Traditional Chinese MDs to choose from. 

Interestingly enough, most Singaporeans that I’ve spoken with don’t seem to buy into the idea that acupuncture can help with conception (though they strongly believe yoga can). In fact, I’m convinced that the Chinese doctor I’ve been seeing, who speaks little English, still thinks that I’m asking for help with digestive issues. Regardless, I’ve definitely felt the benefits of acupuncture in terms of general pain management and relaxation. 

However, a word to the wise, no one ever mentioned to me how painful and exhausting traditional Chinese acupuncture can be, so be prepared and plan accordingly if you decide to try it out (Western acupuncture doesn’t seem to be quite so intense).

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The First Disappointment


Sitting at my desk at the start of my workday, I felt the first twinge of those all too familiar cramps.  No, no, no, no, no! I thought, You’re not supposed to come!

I immediately started trying to justify my symptoms. These aren’t menstrual cramps, I assured myself. These are the kind you get when you’re pregnant. How many times have you heard that early pregnancy signs often mimic PMS?

I headed to the bathroom in an effort to reassure myself that there wouldn’t be any bleeding, but, as expected, all it did was confirm what I had known all along. The bright red evidence was there on the toilet paper. I sighed and shook my head. “Better luck next month,” I muttered to myself as I headed down the hall to get a pad and some Ibuprofen.

I wrote a quick text to my husband letting him know Aunt Flo had officially arrived and two short emails to my mom & a friend who knew we were trying.  “No News This Month” read the subject of the email to my mother. To my friend, I candidly wrote, “My lovely period showed up right on time today in all her wretched glory, just further proving that no changes with my body will ever be a strong indication of if I'm pregnant because my body hates me and will never stop doing fun, new things. I'm fairly certain that my period loves torturing me too much to ever go away.”

As a woman who wasn’t sure that I’d ever want to have kids just a few years ago, and who definitely wasn’t ready when I had a “scare” just a few months earlier (using the word “scare” just seems wrong when you're at the age where trying is acceptable, but what else do you call it?!), it only seems fair that I wouldn't get pregnant the first time I try. Aside from clumsiness, nothing has ever come naturally for me. Why should pregnancy be any different?

But so many of my friends made it look so easy. Two had gotten pregnant their first time trying – in fact, one friend was two for two in getting pregnant on the first try. Another had gotten pregnant the first time they’d had sex without protection. And my sister, who didn’t think she could ever get pregnant, got pregnant with my nephew before they even started trying. But I was not to be amongst those statistics.

All month long, I’d monitored the changes in my body, trying to look for any sign that maybe we’d gotten lucky. However, having had incredibly intense periods for over 18 years now, and with recent experience with ovarian cysts, I’ve learned that my body is extremely sensitive to hormonal changes. Breast tenderness, mild cramping and nausea, and feeling hormonal throughout the month aren’t anything new to me. The only real indication that it might have worked was the light spotting I noticed a week after ovulation, but alas, it was just a red herring.

So for now I can sit back, relax, save money for another month, and enjoy a glass (or two) of wine guilt-free and gear-up for another month of trying, waiting, and wondering.